Neck deep in bubbles, channelling Julia Roberts in THAT iconic scene from Pretty Woman – a perfect moment of self care? Well, absolutely, but that’s not ALL self care has to look like.
It’s not always prettiness, candles and pamper evenings. It can sometimes be a little more raw.
I’ve come to realise that sometimes, self care is taking yourself off to your bedroom to have a much needed cry, before you regroup, and carry on with your day. Do not underestimate the power of those tears… they release anger, frustration, and fear, as well as sadness. They can help you clear your mind when it seems clouded and fuzzy. I’m a big fan of self care tears… sometimes if I can feel a build up, I’ll put on my favourite, guaranteed tear jerker film – The Notebook, knowing I’ll feel lighter by the final credits.
Self care is also growth, and growth itself takes on many forms. For me personally, growth is about learning to love and respect myself, and the key to that, for me, is letting go of past traumas. I hold on to so much from the past, from big things to trivial moments, and they can ping into my present with absolutely no warning. Looking internally for the roots of your so-called flaws is no mean feat, and not something to take on lightly, but having taken the first steps in identifying the reasons behind some of my behaviours, I feel like I’m finally discovering my true self underneath those layers.
Saying no is another form of self care – if it’s not for you, don’t be afraid to say it. If you haven’t got the time, be honest. I personally find this so challenging – I’m a people pleaser at heart, and I am willing to help everyone and anyone if I’m able. But sometimes, it’s to my detriment. I can run myself ragged because I haven’t been able to say no. By the same token, saying yes is also self care – don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone, and say yes to something you really want to do.
Sometimes self care is painful – which really doesn’t feel like you’re taking care of yourself right? But further down the line, you’ll appreciate doing the painful things – like cutting those ties that feel so important, and so precious. Over the last ten years, I’ve stepped away from different people in my circle; friends, a partner, and even family. At the time, the process has felt like torture, the guilt almost unbearable, but now I look back, I am so thankful to myself for making those changes. I know, in the end, it’s had such a positive impact on my life. Being selective about who you let get close to you is the ultimate self care move.
Working on my inner voice is a kind of self care, I’ve only recently been able to appreciate. How many times have you dropped something or said something wrong and gone “Oh you stupid cow!” to yourself?? I used to talk to myself negatively all the time, so self critical and judgemental. I have impossibly high standards for myself, and I would be the first to tear myself down for not meeting them. I realised I would never speak to someone else the way I speak to myself, so I took the be kind mantra to a personal level.
Finally, make peace a priority in your self care routine. Admit when you’re wrong, own your mistakes and apologise when you need to, but don’t always expect forgiveness. After apologising to someone after the longest time, a small part of me hoped that meant we could be something like friends again. It didn’t work out that way, and it took me a while to accept that. It didn’t make sense to me, but I’ve finally been able to let go of that expectation, and knowing I’ve made the apology I needed to, means I can let it go, and make peace with that situation.
As you can see, self care’s not always luxurious, but practicing true self care will bring you so much more long term satisfaction. So next time you reach for the bubble bath – take a look inside, and see what you really need to take care of.